Rinzler's Long Road

Bringing a pet into a household always comes with changes for the lifestyle of a family.  We were ready to make the anticipated changes when Rinzler's life path crossed ours back in March.  What we weren't prepared for were the unexpected upsets that this particular puppy came with.  

When we adopted Rinzler he was this adorable ball of 8 week old fluff.  As far as we could tell, he was a moldable animal capable of learning how to be a participant of our family while we loved on him and looked forward to the years of joy a dog can bring to a household.  What we didn't know was his full story.  The shelter told us the bare bones details of his short life  when we adopted him.  It wasn't until recently that we discovered details that were very impactful for us all.  

Not but two weeks into life with Rinzler, we discovered he had a rash.  It took us a couple of weeks to determine that the rash was actually sarcoptic mange and not an allergy of some kind.  Now, if you are not familiar with mange, there are two kinds.  Demodectic mange is the more common form.  It's a terrible nuisance, but it's fairly curable.  Sarcoptic mange, on the other hand, is the less common but more severe and harder to beat form of mange.  Plus, it's highly contagious even from pet to owner.  At the same time we diagnosed the mange, we were keeping Rinzler up to date on his shots and treating him for worms.  

We worked long and hard on getting that dog healthy.  The mange was a terrible beast to tame.  It wasn't until I did my own treatment research that the vet and I made an aggressive plan to rid us all of the tiny mite that kept our dog unhappy and all of us from cuddling and bonding with our little fur ball.  Rinzler was fully five months old before we could say that he had a clean bill of health. 

In the meantime, we were working on his behavior.  Rinzler was, from the day he arrived, the most mouthy dog I had ever owned.  We had to set strict limits on him and make expectations very clear so that he would know what was acceptable.  Only, it didn't seem to click.  Rinzler's mouthy behavior progressively and quickly moved toward aggression as he grew. We were cautioned that his poor demeanor could be a result of being so uncomfortable in his skin and we were encouraged to continue in our training efforts so that we could see improvements as he healed.  Only we didn't.

Every time we tried a new tactic, Rinzler would respond well, for about three attempts, and then he'd challenge the tactic.  And by challenge I mean he would act out aggressively.  By May, I was ready to throw in the towel.  Mind you, not only did we have this supreme challenge on our hands, but I was also taking care of John's broken ankle and all that the injury encompassed.  We had a family meeting and by the end of our passionate discussion, it was clear that not everyone was ready to give up.  We made plans to contact trainers for outside help as it seemed obvious that this was out of our ability range.  We contacted multiple trainers, and surprisingly, none of them even called us back.  I'm not sure why.  Maybe it was because I had been very face forward with the fact that we were handling an aggressive dog.  Maybe not, but help was clearly not on the way.   

Rinzler would show us that he understood the commands and that he could comply, but he was unsafe in an unpredictable way.  We called them tantrums.  It was kind of like dealing with a feisty two year old.  All is well and the world is wonderful until what the child wants doesn't line up with what the child desires and the tantrum ensues.  Only a toddler isn't likely to tear flesh open and cause severe damage.  

Anything was a possible tantrum...

Want to go for a walk?  Rinzler didn't like to leave the yard.  He would snarl, growl, bite the leash and do what we called an alligator death roll until you would turn around and take him home.  We never got more than four doors down and out of fear of reports of animal abuse, we pretty much gave up on walks.  

Want to brush or wash the dirt out of his coat?  Rinzler was a wrestling companion that was quick as lightening and just as deadly.  We had to muzzle him to wash him but that didn't stop him from wrestling and he, more than once, was able to remove the muzzle mid bath. It was an exhausting and dangerous task.  I'm sure that all if his mite treatments made him sensitive to being touched, but that didn't make the situation any better.  

Want to play?  Rinzler found every toy and all games too overstimulating.  The first couple of ball tosses, or the first few pets were fine, but his reactivity level would go from 0-100 in no time flat.  We always were at the ready to defend ourselves and the people around us.  

Want to sit with him or cuddle?  Rinzler couldn't sit still for more than 5 seconds and even just being with you would turn into aggression--either on his bed where he would begin to tear it up or on your body where he would bite.     

We saw this expression more often than we saw peace or joy.  The reality of that was heart sinking

Finally, we were done.  There was nothing else to try.  

I called rescue organizations--no one would take him due to his behavior.  I couldn't re-home him--I honestly could not think of a way to boast of his good points enough to make anyone want him.  Honestly, he potty trained wonderfully, but beyond that all of his skills were lacking.  I called the shelter to make an appointment for surrender.  However, the shelter worker asked if I would be willing to come in for a training assessment,  They wanted to offer us free training in an effort to keep him in our home.  We truly didn't want to quit.  Having a failed placement was no where near our goal, so I consented.  

The day I went with Rinzler for an assessment was a very enlightening day.  His file was shared with me in it's entirety that day for the first time.  We learned that he had come from a drug house under a very shady surrender story and siblings of his that were not part of his current litter.  The puppies he was brought in with were months older than him and he was the only tiny baby still nursing.  No one knows what happened to the other tiny babies.  Mom was a very fearful dog and all the pups and mom were separated upon arrival.  Rinzler was not given the opportunity to have his full nursling time or his puppy pack play time.  I learned that Rinzler had a umbilical hernia repaired and a lung infection so bad that they were not sure he was going to make it.  He was a physically and emotionally fragile puppy when he was placed with us--only we did not know it.  

The attendant explained that his behavior didn't fully surprise her because he was a "genetic fearful mess"--a fact they seemed to know but had not apprised us of.  I spent two and a half hours there that day talking to her and having Rinzler evaluated. By the end of our time, Rinzler had bit me and drawn blood (unprovoked) and was deemed a dog that would need much training and lifestyle adjustments to compensate for his (MANY) fear triggers but that there was no guarantee that we could change any of them at all in the long run.  I was told that he would never safely socialize with any other animal which would disqualify him from dog park and potentially disqualify us from boarding.  I was told to have him wear a warning shirt or bandanna (Don't touch me--I bite) any time he was out in public.   It was said that I should expect to keep him in a muzzle in order to have him safely interact with the family any time he was out of the crate and especially to keep everyone safe away from the house.  I was not happy with the results of the assessment.

In the end, I was advised to share all of my new information with the family so that we could decide if we could make alter our idea of what having a pet (this pet) in the house would look like and if we could make the necessary lifestyle changes to accommodate Rinzler's special needs, and to realize that we may just need to make a hard choice.  I went home overwhelmed. I tried to share information but there was so much to say. We ended the night by agreeing to revisit the topic the next day.  However, when the next day dawned, the heaviness of the situation was not any lighter and the conversation was not any easier.  We agreed to sit on the information for a day to really let it sink in before we could commit to anything.  Very quickly though, we had to admit that what Rinzler needed did not mesh with a safe and enjoyable lifestyle for all of us under one roof.  We made the hard choice to surrender.  

Over the next week while we still had Rinzler--that was the first available appointment, which was tough but somewhat of a blessing--we all had spaces where we questioned our choice.  Rinzler would enact what I likened to the abuse cycle.  He would be great for a span and you would start to question your evaluation of him, thinking maybe, just maybe if you changed something then the relationship would work.  Then Rinzler would turn on a dime and lash out with aggression which seemed to continue to escalate.   This acting out would confirm that, indeed, Rinzler was not compatible with the family.   All of us felt it and it weighed heavy on us all.  

When the day came to return him to the shelter, we were as ready as we could be.  The lag between making the appointment and going to the appointment gave us time to hash out our feelings, process, and begin the grieving process.  Surrender of a dream, an expectation, a relationship is never easy.  

Nikolas and I took Rinzler to the shelter.  The intake rather quick and before long, we were saying goodbye to Rinzler and leaving without him.  We made it to the car before the tears came.  As Nikolas noted, even when you do the right thing, and you know it's the right thing to do, the completion of the action isn't necessarily easy.  

A lot happened in our short time with Rinzler.  We learned a lot.  His part in our story is over, even though we are sure to remember and to talk about him for years to come.  

Goodbye Rinzler.

The Golden Age

This is the year John turned 50.  The year he began his Golden Age--not that I'm sure what that means, but it's the new milestone he's hit.  Though we knew it was coming, 50 still felt like a surprise for us.  How is it that John is 50?  The passing of time and all that it encompasses continues to stupefy me.  In any case, here we are...John is 50 (that will take time for all of us to get used to).

With the limitations of Covid (which we are all SO over!) and his lame leg, the plans I had for celebrating this major moment had to be scrubbed.  Plus, any plans of marking this moment had to be worked around job schedules--both John's and the boys'.  This time of year s the annual season wrap up for John and it is not only intense but very time consuming.  On this occasion, John's birthday fell on the last full day of company wide meetings.  The choice was made to delay all birthday activities until Saturday after work for the boys so that we could all be free of work commitments.  What most people feel should be a really big deal, we quietly celebrated at home with dinner, cake, gifts, and a double feature of movies we had all been waiting to see.  

John enjoyed his three day birthday celebration.  Having a little extra birthday love over several days proved to be an appreciated extended celebration even though it was a different plan than John had originally.  Lately it seems that there is a vast portion of life that is turning out to be quite different than we had anticipated.  Maybe that is what the Golden Age assists one in--being able to readily accept that life is fuller and slower in ways that you could not even have conceived of.  I suppose we'll find out.  :)

Since John is frequently on work calls and meetings, Jozsef found the perfect item to help us have a heads up so that we can help improve his work environment and communication for us all.

Welcome to 50 John!  May the year ahead serve you well and may you flourish in this new stage of life! :)

 

 

Ankle Progress

July was an exciting month for John.  After spending approximately three months in bed elevating and icing his ankle day in and day out, we received good news from the doctor.  The x-ray that was done just before Independence day showed that, although the bones were not completely healed yet, there was enough rebuilding of the bone that the doctor gave John the green light for beginning to bear weight on his leg.  Even though there was still a boot and crutches involved, John was very excited to be able to feel like he could make some progress.  The doctor told him to, over the next month, work towards the goal of ditching the crutches but keeping the boot on for support.  What a huge milestone!  And so it began--the quest to walk again. 

John still has a long road ahead.  His break was really severe--the doctor reminds us of that every time we see him.  Likely, it will take a full year or more for the bones to finally become solid.  We've been told swelling could be an issue for a year or more and that even the shoes John is accustomed to may have to change.  The journey is long.  But even baby steps are worth noting.  So today we celebrate retiring the scooter and the crutches and we embrace the boot for a bit longer.  Walking surely is a gift that is not for taking for granted.  

Paint Party

As Covid culture continues to consume our society, Sonja was paying attention to adjustments we've had to make for birthday celebrations and was holding tight to her dream celebration ideas.  Thankfully, we were able to help her mark her milestone in a satisfying way.  All that Sonja really wanted to do was to have a painting session in studio and just in time, the studio opened up for class sessions.  We signed up and held our breath that the class would not be canceled.  Thankfully, though we were the only two to sign up, the studio never shut down the class--whew! 

With the class booked, Sonja easily enjoyed the rest of her day.  I made waffles for her breakfast, she got a birthday shake at Chick fil A while visiting the boys at work,

It was a treat to have Jozsef serve Sonja one of his Birthday Cake milkshake creations--it was a filling sweet treat

and we had a special shrimp salad at home for dinner before we headed out to put paint to our canvases.  The teacher for the evening was a sweet girl who was both talented and friendly.  She was encouraging and patient even though she could have rushed us through seen as we were the only patrons.  We had a great time chatting, learning, and creating. 

This was the teacher's example of what we were going to paint in class

Sonja did a fabulous job and took her painting very seriously.  I think we were all impressed and pleased with her final outcome (and me with mine as well). 

We got home very late but with one happy little girl and her masterpiece that she could not wait to hang. 

The next day, after the boys returned from work, we had cake and gifts for Sonja.  She enjoyed telling stories of her paint night and showing off her handiwork. 

According to her, she had the perfect birthday.  :-)

We've so enjoyed our time thus far with our little artist.  We love to see how she's branching out in different crafty areas and are stunned with her self-taught results.  May your creativity ever flourish as you grow as a person and a woman, Sonja!  We love you!  Happy 11th birthday!

Welcome to 20

The years between 18 and 21 are such a grey area.  A boy is still a boy in some regards and yet a man in others.  While not a full fledged adult at 20, I'd say that it's the official age of manhood (at lease by number if not in conduct) since there is no longer a "teen" in the age label.  Jozsef recently reached that numerical bar (and I'd argue that his character has been manly for much longer), 

As Covid still largely rules the day, the outing that Jozsef had hoped for (a retry at tubing the river or an afternoon at a retro arcade) were out of reach and kept on the wish list for another time.  Instead, he reported to work as usual to make some money.  However, his birthday was not forgotten there either and his coworkers gave him wonderful birthday wishes and even had a cake and a song for him as they helped him celebrate his day.  It was an unexpected and much appreciated gesture by his company--one that I every day count as a huge blessing in his life.  And as a celebratory side note, Jozsef received a much deserved promotion just days before his birthday.  He was celebrating a couple of milestones this week.  :-)

After a hot day at work,  the  boys returned home to clean up and then we headed out to dinner.  It was a huge treat for us.  We went to a Japanese Steak House--the kind where they cook on the hot hibachi table right in front of you. 

Most of the kids had never seen such a thing and the staff was wonderful as was the food.  We had such a great experience and the food was delicious!  Jozsef was very happy with his evening. 

Though it was late by the time we returned home, we still had cake and gifts before we just sat for a while relaxing before bed.  Thankfully the boys did not have work the next morning.  We all closed out the night with another great memory for us to store. 

Jozsef is twenty.  Part of me can't believe that he's so grown.  The other part of me is so happy to see him developing into a wonderful man and to think of what is still ahead of him.  We have been so greatly blessed by having Jozsef in our lives and we are thankful for him.  Happy Birthday Jozsef!  And welcome to 20!

Butterflies and Birthdays

With Covid still shadowing our lives, we step slowly forward making adjustments as we go while we are eager to open the gates and run into the wonderful weather of spring,  Birthdays are still a challenge to mark well as much of what we'd like to do in celebration is compromised with social restrictions.  Hannah had ideas of lunch date, bowling parties, and soaking up the sun by the pool, but we settled for something much more simplistic--a girls' day. 

The afternoon was simply beautiful in both appearance and feel as it was sunny with a pleasant breeze and not yet hot and humid. 

Being the youngest, Hannah had been out of the house the least during this whole lock down, so for our girls' day, I set out to tour the town with her.  She was thrilled that her favorite birthday lunch location was actually open for service so we started there and had a wonderful buffalo wing lunch.

After eating, we set out to do a bit of shopping at locations of Hannah's choice.  She found a few things that caught her attention like beautifully crafted doll houses and Cabbage Patch babies which she apparently cannot get enough of. 

She was hoping she would get a boy and she did!

She said this house was the best because it was a farmhouse with a porch swing.  Ah yes--the good life! 

Dinner was had at home followed by cake and gifts.  Hannah had asked me to make her a cake with lots of colors and butterflies she could eat.  Thankfully I found pretty little edible butterflies on Amazon and our birthday girl was thrilled with the results. 

The report at the end of the day was that she had a wonderful birthday--that's what I wanted to hear.  :-)  It's hard to be so limited and to still find ways to help them feel celebrated.  Happy Birthday Hannah!  We've loved our with years with you and we look forward to many more!<3 p="">

The Follow Up

John broke his ankle on Thursday night.  On Monday morning we went to see the Orthopedic Surgeon to get an assessment for the healing process.  It was rather quickly apparent that John's situation was not going to remedy itself with a cast and 6-8 weeks of time.  John needed surgery.  The doctor said he would make the arrangements for Thursday or Friday. 

Wow!  John was a bit stunned.  I was saddened.  I had hoped we would skip this step and now there was no getting around the reality of the necessity.  Time was short and there were many details to arrange. 

The next few days were filled with phone calls, paperwork, and prayers.  Too quickly, Friday was upon us and John and I were leaving the house before dawn.  When we arrived at the hospital, it was still dark and the hospital was largely empty.  Thankfully Covid did not keep me from being present with John during his care this time.  I was allowed to accompany him as though it were a business as usual day.  We checked in at the admission desk, he went thorough prep, dressing, and testing, I was able to visit him just before anesthesia was administered where the Doctor, told us what to expect and showed us the first real full look at the damage. 

When we went to the consultation we peeked at the damage, but this time with the splint fully off we saw the entirety of the leg and it was gnarly!  The swelling was so intense that the skin actually began to separate in layers and forming blisters to accommodate the swelling.  Some of those blisters were also filled with blood because of the bruising.  It was quite a shocking sight!  We discussed with the Doctor the possible implications of the blisters during surgery and what may be necessary to make stitching possible and reliable.

This was pretty much the same view we were able to see during the consultation.  Though you can see that blisters did form, it doesn't look horrendous.

But without the splint on, the full view of the blisters almost hurt to even look at.  You can also see the bruising on his heel at the point of impact.

These blisters were the worst, which makes sense when you consider that these bones were the most broken--partly shattered even.

After our discussion, I went to the waiting room as John went into surgery.  I waited four hours for the surgeon to pin John's ankle back together. 

My waiting room view

John's new hardware for life.

Then after three hours in recovery, we were able to leave for home. 

This splint doesn't look much different than the first one he had, but the internal status is much different.  He'll have this splint for 6-8 weeks before we move on to the next phase of healng

Though he was still out of sorts, John was amiable as we left the hospital.  I have to compliment the staff--they were all really wonderful.  John doesn't remember all of our conversations but overall he did well in transitioning from hospital to home

We had taken the second step in the journey towards healing John's ankle. The pain John has endured so far has been immense.  This has truly been the toughest physical endurance test John has withstood thus far in his life.  We have been told that he will require six months to a year to return to regular ambulatory status.  There is much work ahead.  We are tired.  But we are hopeful.  God has brought us this far, and we trust He will continue to lead us forward. 

Ice, elevation, and rest pretty define John's life right now

We are thankful for the older boys who are stepping up to help around the house, for the kids being willing to adapt, for the many who are covering us in prayer, and for those who have been generous thus far.  With such a long road ahead, the stresses of interrupted sleep and the the juggling of regular life with healing tasks, we are stretched and needing grace as much as we are needing to give it.  Only by God's grace will we complete this stretch of the journey ahead.