Pumpkin Pickin'

October equates to pumpkins :-) Which, of course means, a pumpkin patch field trip. This week we carved out a bit of time to travel to the pumpkin farm. The kids chose pumpkins for carving and cool looking gourds for decorating (and for seed--we'd like to try our hand at growing a few next year). The weather was wonderful and it was delightful to relax on the farm. We had a good time enjoying the simple things like the sound of crickets, the light of the setting sun in the tall grass, and the baby pigs playing in their pen. :-) Up next--pumpkin carving. The kids are currently gathering ideas. :-) Though Halloween will be starkly different this year, some things, like an afternoon visit to the farm, thankfully, remain the same joyful experience. :-)

We've decided that we've made a tradition of visiting the local snow cone shop after a trip to the pumpkin farm. We choose fall flavors to enjoy before the cold sets in. This year, we went to a newer snow cone location but it was so good (and probably will become our new favorite treat spot). It's a great way to close out the day--dinner upside down :-) Autumn is a great season.

Fields of Flowers

When it's way too Monday and the weather is beautiful what do you do? You take an impromptu field trip, of course! I had heard of a sunflower farm, had seen amazing pictures of the place and I was hooked! I really wanted to see it for myself and making it a fieldtrip was the perfect way to incorporate it into our life. I rounded up the kids and made arrangements for John to accompany us and we set out on the long drive to the farm.

The drive was pleasant over rolling hills and small towns spread over several country fields. We had packed a cooler of food so we started olur trek with a snack. After we were all fuled up, we set out for a late afternoon stroll armed with our cameras and hearts full of gratitude for good weather and God's glory expressed in His creation of plants and insects. We absolutely took our time to investigate the entirety of the farm, enjoying the sun, the breeze, the flowers and the bees.

Everyone had a great time and the drive home offered great sights of sun beginning to set and filtering through the leaves of the trees where the canopies were beginning to reflect the wonderful autumn season that we are in. I'm so happy we were able to go. We all talked about it for days. The amount of wonderful photos we took was amazing--the kids even took pictures with a macro lense that we may even frame. The fall festivals may be canceled, but with alternatives like this, we won't miss the wonder of autumn. <3

Updated Ink

Life has a way of changing things. Things wear down or wear out, they change purposes or meaning. As they say, change is inevitable. Ink is not impervious to this life rule. With this truth in place, 26 years after its origination, the need arose to update my original ankle ink. 

I got the tattoo the same day that John proposed to me (it was not planned that way, but it happened). Now, so many years, trials, tears, triumphs, and joys later, I felt that the representation was not complete. I came up with a design, not to cover it, but to transform it to better represent life with John. 

A while back, I had taken note of a quote that very much struck a chord with my heart. St. Benedict has a notable quote that reads "Always we begin again". This quote so stuck with me for a multitude of reasons that I knew it had become a life quote. I wanted to incorporate it, but I didn't have a glaring idea of how to do it. 

I've also taken to heart the beautiful phoenix and the meaning it holds for new beginnings. In the same way that life is a constant of change, relationships (of all kinds) are in a non-stop state of ebb and flow, and to a certain extent, they are frequently being redefined. I knew I wanted to incorporate the phoenix but wasn't tied to a particular representation. After months of pondering, I was finally inspired and I drew up a mock image that I was sure would work and then I made an appointment with my artist.

I expected to give my artist some freedom to express my mock up in light of his talent, and truthfully, I had hoped he could one up me and make the design even better--and he did. I was thrilled with his rendition and he did a great job of upgrading/updating my ankle art. I was able to get both cherished messages into one design and now it feels more representative of us in this life.

While I was at the studio, I also had my artist touch up and update a transformation piece he did for me last summer. He had altered for me a wrist piece, but only after I returned home did I realize that I had made a mistake by not having him use a capital letter in a critical spot. Thankfully it was fully fixable and he quickly altered the image while deepening the color and the outcome is perfect. The message is clear and helps to keep me on the right track.

I am so thankful I have the opprtunity and the help to secure such important pieces. Updates are important. And with permanence, it has to be right. A huge shout out to Hector for his help with these heartfelt transformations.

School's In Session

 As summer wraps into fall and schools everywhere are trying to figure out how to conduct classes due to the lingering Covid issue, we are pulling out our books and diving into the new school year in "business as usual" fashion.  Thank God for homeschooling and our history with it.  This year is another big year for our little one room school house as Nikolas will be graduating this year.  So much to do in a Senior year!  We'll be schooling and planning all year long until the culmination of our graduation celebration.  

As an eighth grader, Connor is finishing up Jr. High this year.  He is missing our church youth group meetings, but Nikolas' friend group has gathered siblings and made their own group that now includes Connor.  It's a good group of kids and we're all excited that they are able to get together for fellowship times.  Connor is looking forward to his science lessons and his assigned novels this year.

Sonja is in her last year of elementary school (though here, it's arguably the beginning of middle school.  However, I like age split better when 7th and 8th grade is Jr High without 6th graders).  Due to Covid, Sonja is not able to meet in youth group, but I felt she was a bit young for that anyway.  However, one of her friends has a sibling in Nikolas' group which gives Sonja extra opportunities for social time as we can make the meetings dual purpose for our kids.  :-) Sonja is looking forward to her art lessons and good stories this year.  

Riley is in the fifth grade this year.  It feels like a big jump for him.  He's beginning to realize that as you advance in school you get more work to do and he's not really thrilled by that.  :-)  However, he's doing a great job handling his workload.  Riley still isn't loving reading, but he's doing well with math.

Hannah is feeling super grown as a third grader this year.  It feels so wrong that she's in 3rd grade--how did she get here so quickly?  She's enjoying joining the other kids in group lessons this year, and her cursive is coming along quite well, but we really need to strengthen her reading skills.  

It'll be a different kid of year as so many of our supplemental programs and activities have been Covid canceled (which makes for an especially boring Fall) :-(  but we aim to make the most of it regardless.  It's always neat to see how much the kids develop their skills in a school year--in that way, this year is no different.  Bring on the books! :-)

Rinzler's Long Road

Bringing a pet into a household always comes with changes for the lifestyle of a family.  We were ready to make the anticipated changes when Rinzler's life path crossed ours back in March.  What we weren't prepared for were the unexpected upsets that this particular puppy came with.  

When we adopted Rinzler he was this adorable ball of 8 week old fluff.  As far as we could tell, he was a moldable animal capable of learning how to be a participant of our family while we loved on him and looked forward to the years of joy a dog can bring to a household.  What we didn't know was his full story.  The shelter told us the bare bones details of his short life  when we adopted him.  It wasn't until recently that we discovered details that were very impactful for us all.  

Not but two weeks into life with Rinzler, we discovered he had a rash.  It took us a couple of weeks to determine that the rash was actually sarcoptic mange and not an allergy of some kind.  Now, if you are not familiar with mange, there are two kinds.  Demodectic mange is the more common form.  It's a terrible nuisance, but it's fairly curable.  Sarcoptic mange, on the other hand, is the less common but more severe and harder to beat form of mange.  Plus, it's highly contagious even from pet to owner.  At the same time we diagnosed the mange, we were keeping Rinzler up to date on his shots and treating him for worms.  

We worked long and hard on getting that dog healthy.  The mange was a terrible beast to tame.  It wasn't until I did my own treatment research that the vet and I made an aggressive plan to rid us all of the tiny mite that kept our dog unhappy and all of us from cuddling and bonding with our little fur ball.  Rinzler was fully five months old before we could say that he had a clean bill of health. 

In the meantime, we were working on his behavior.  Rinzler was, from the day he arrived, the most mouthy dog I had ever owned.  We had to set strict limits on him and make expectations very clear so that he would know what was acceptable.  Only, it didn't seem to click.  Rinzler's mouthy behavior progressively and quickly moved toward aggression as he grew. We were cautioned that his poor demeanor could be a result of being so uncomfortable in his skin and we were encouraged to continue in our training efforts so that we could see improvements as he healed.  Only we didn't.

Every time we tried a new tactic, Rinzler would respond well, for about three attempts, and then he'd challenge the tactic.  And by challenge I mean he would act out aggressively.  By May, I was ready to throw in the towel.  Mind you, not only did we have this supreme challenge on our hands, but I was also taking care of John's broken ankle and all that the injury encompassed.  We had a family meeting and by the end of our passionate discussion, it was clear that not everyone was ready to give up.  We made plans to contact trainers for outside help as it seemed obvious that this was out of our ability range.  We contacted multiple trainers, and surprisingly, none of them even called us back.  I'm not sure why.  Maybe it was because I had been very face forward with the fact that we were handling an aggressive dog.  Maybe not, but help was clearly not on the way.   

Rinzler would show us that he understood the commands and that he could comply, but he was unsafe in an unpredictable way.  We called them tantrums.  It was kind of like dealing with a feisty two year old.  All is well and the world is wonderful until what the child wants doesn't line up with what the child desires and the tantrum ensues.  Only a toddler isn't likely to tear flesh open and cause severe damage.  

Anything was a possible tantrum...

Want to go for a walk?  Rinzler didn't like to leave the yard.  He would snarl, growl, bite the leash and do what we called an alligator death roll until you would turn around and take him home.  We never got more than four doors down and out of fear of reports of animal abuse, we pretty much gave up on walks.  

Want to brush or wash the dirt out of his coat?  Rinzler was a wrestling companion that was quick as lightening and just as deadly.  We had to muzzle him to wash him but that didn't stop him from wrestling and he, more than once, was able to remove the muzzle mid bath. It was an exhausting and dangerous task.  I'm sure that all if his mite treatments made him sensitive to being touched, but that didn't make the situation any better.  

Want to play?  Rinzler found every toy and all games too overstimulating.  The first couple of ball tosses, or the first few pets were fine, but his reactivity level would go from 0-100 in no time flat.  We always were at the ready to defend ourselves and the people around us.  

Want to sit with him or cuddle?  Rinzler couldn't sit still for more than 5 seconds and even just being with you would turn into aggression--either on his bed where he would begin to tear it up or on your body where he would bite.     

We saw this expression more often than we saw peace or joy.  The reality of that was heart sinking

Finally, we were done.  There was nothing else to try.  

I called rescue organizations--no one would take him due to his behavior.  I couldn't re-home him--I honestly could not think of a way to boast of his good points enough to make anyone want him.  Honestly, he potty trained wonderfully, but beyond that all of his skills were lacking.  I called the shelter to make an appointment for surrender.  However, the shelter worker asked if I would be willing to come in for a training assessment,  They wanted to offer us free training in an effort to keep him in our home.  We truly didn't want to quit.  Having a failed placement was no where near our goal, so I consented.  

The day I went with Rinzler for an assessment was a very enlightening day.  His file was shared with me in it's entirety that day for the first time.  We learned that he had come from a drug house under a very shady surrender story and siblings of his that were not part of his current litter.  The puppies he was brought in with were months older than him and he was the only tiny baby still nursing.  No one knows what happened to the other tiny babies.  Mom was a very fearful dog and all the pups and mom were separated upon arrival.  Rinzler was not given the opportunity to have his full nursling time or his puppy pack play time.  I learned that Rinzler had a umbilical hernia repaired and a lung infection so bad that they were not sure he was going to make it.  He was a physically and emotionally fragile puppy when he was placed with us--only we did not know it.  

The attendant explained that his behavior didn't fully surprise her because he was a "genetic fearful mess"--a fact they seemed to know but had not apprised us of.  I spent two and a half hours there that day talking to her and having Rinzler evaluated. By the end of our time, Rinzler had bit me and drawn blood (unprovoked) and was deemed a dog that would need much training and lifestyle adjustments to compensate for his (MANY) fear triggers but that there was no guarantee that we could change any of them at all in the long run.  I was told that he would never safely socialize with any other animal which would disqualify him from dog park and potentially disqualify us from boarding.  I was told to have him wear a warning shirt or bandanna (Don't touch me--I bite) any time he was out in public.   It was said that I should expect to keep him in a muzzle in order to have him safely interact with the family any time he was out of the crate and especially to keep everyone safe away from the house.  I was not happy with the results of the assessment.

In the end, I was advised to share all of my new information with the family so that we could decide if we could make alter our idea of what having a pet (this pet) in the house would look like and if we could make the necessary lifestyle changes to accommodate Rinzler's special needs, and to realize that we may just need to make a hard choice.  I went home overwhelmed. I tried to share information but there was so much to say. We ended the night by agreeing to revisit the topic the next day.  However, when the next day dawned, the heaviness of the situation was not any lighter and the conversation was not any easier.  We agreed to sit on the information for a day to really let it sink in before we could commit to anything.  Very quickly though, we had to admit that what Rinzler needed did not mesh with a safe and enjoyable lifestyle for all of us under one roof.  We made the hard choice to surrender.  

Over the next week while we still had Rinzler--that was the first available appointment, which was tough but somewhat of a blessing--we all had spaces where we questioned our choice.  Rinzler would enact what I likened to the abuse cycle.  He would be great for a span and you would start to question your evaluation of him, thinking maybe, just maybe if you changed something then the relationship would work.  Then Rinzler would turn on a dime and lash out with aggression which seemed to continue to escalate.   This acting out would confirm that, indeed, Rinzler was not compatible with the family.   All of us felt it and it weighed heavy on us all.  

When the day came to return him to the shelter, we were as ready as we could be.  The lag between making the appointment and going to the appointment gave us time to hash out our feelings, process, and begin the grieving process.  Surrender of a dream, an expectation, a relationship is never easy.  

Nikolas and I took Rinzler to the shelter.  The intake rather quick and before long, we were saying goodbye to Rinzler and leaving without him.  We made it to the car before the tears came.  As Nikolas noted, even when you do the right thing, and you know it's the right thing to do, the completion of the action isn't necessarily easy.  

A lot happened in our short time with Rinzler.  We learned a lot.  His part in our story is over, even though we are sure to remember and to talk about him for years to come.  

Goodbye Rinzler.

The Golden Age

This is the year John turned 50.  The year he began his Golden Age--not that I'm sure what that means, but it's the new milestone he's hit.  Though we knew it was coming, 50 still felt like a surprise for us.  How is it that John is 50?  The passing of time and all that it encompasses continues to stupefy me.  In any case, here we are...John is 50 (that will take time for all of us to get used to).

With the limitations of Covid (which we are all SO over!) and his lame leg, the plans I had for celebrating this major moment had to be scrubbed.  Plus, any plans of marking this moment had to be worked around job schedules--both John's and the boys'.  This time of year s the annual season wrap up for John and it is not only intense but very time consuming.  On this occasion, John's birthday fell on the last full day of company wide meetings.  The choice was made to delay all birthday activities until Saturday after work for the boys so that we could all be free of work commitments.  What most people feel should be a really big deal, we quietly celebrated at home with dinner, cake, gifts, and a double feature of movies we had all been waiting to see.  

John enjoyed his three day birthday celebration.  Having a little extra birthday love over several days proved to be an appreciated extended celebration even though it was a different plan than John had originally.  Lately it seems that there is a vast portion of life that is turning out to be quite different than we had anticipated.  Maybe that is what the Golden Age assists one in--being able to readily accept that life is fuller and slower in ways that you could not even have conceived of.  I suppose we'll find out.  :)

Since John is frequently on work calls and meetings, Jozsef found the perfect item to help us have a heads up so that we can help improve his work environment and communication for us all.

Welcome to 50 John!  May the year ahead serve you well and may you flourish in this new stage of life! :)